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Today in the 3-Bet we find Ole Schemion slowly but surely taking over the entire poker world, Matt Damon razzed for one of the most painful acting performances in poker history and a $50 million winner-take-all poker challenge announced for this Spring in Australia. With royal families involved.

1) Schemion Wins GPI POY, Crushing 2014 Already

Ole ole ole.

Lost in the shuffle over the holidays was the fact German Ole Schemion – despite a career year from Daniel Negreanu that saw him basically win every major poker award available – was crowned the official Global Poker Index Player of the Year.

Winning GPI POY in any given calendar year is a feat. Winning it the same year Negreanu won the WSOP APAC Main Event, the WSOPE High Roller and the overall WSOP POY? That means you had one phenomenal year in tournament poker.

In an emerging cabal of German tournament crushers the 21-year-old Schemion just might be the best of them all with his 14 final tables in 2013 – and he’s proving it all over again already in 2014.

Schemion cashed in the $100k Super High Roller (7th), the $10k Main Event (144th) and is currently sixth at the $25k High Roller final table at the PCA making him the first – along with Vanessa Selbst – to cash all three events in the same year.

We have a feeling it’s actually been Ole Schemion’s poker world all along. He just let us borrow it while he was learning to drive. Check for Schemion highlights in the $25k High Roller during breaks on the PCA Main Event live stream.

2) Damon Pouty Lips Among Worst Tells Ever

We love Matt Damon and all but Zach Elwood – he of the fantastic Reading Poker Tells book – nailed this one in a great new post on Deadspin.

One of five awesomely melodramatic performances Elwood calls “Five of the Most Obvious Poker Tells Ever Televised” you might remember this one from the 2009 WSOP. As Elwood explains:

“Damon limps in the small blind with T6 and the flop is TT6, giving him the nuts. Damon immediately sits weirdly back in his chair; Norman Chad says ‘Damon got a jolt from that flop.’ He also looks away from the table in a forced nonchalant way, as if not interested in the hand. The flop gets checked around.

“The real meat of this poker tell comes on the turn, when Damon checks, a late position player bets, and Damon turns on the acting skills. He tries to act saddened in a variety of ways, similar to the previous two tells.

“He gets the stretched-out, disappointed, pouty lips; he actually shakes his head, as if he can’t believe what’s happening, while going through all this. He sucks on his upper lip. He licks his lips and blows air out of his mouth in a stressed sigh. As the WSOP announcer puts it, ‘A Hollywood star with some pretty bad acting.'”

It’s a gem of a post.

3) $50m Royal Poker Challenge w/ British, Danish Royal Family?

Antonius is royalty somewhere, right?

We’d truly like to believe this one (and put in a request with the spokeperson to do so) but this upcoming $50m winner-take-all Royal Poker Challenge announced today seems a bit too good to be true. According to the PR:

“On March 30th, 2014, Royal Poker Challenge will host an international high-stakes poker tournament at The Star Hotel and Casino in Sydney. The winner will receive the world’s largest poker tournament prize, a 50 million dollar USD check. Participating in this event requires a USD 1 million dollar buy in.

“48 players have already enrolled. Members of the British, Danish, and Monaco royal family have been selected as ambassadors, along with several African and Asian monarch members. As tournament ambassadors, these ‘royal poker players’ receive substantial appearance fees that will be donated to their selected charities. If any of these ambassadors proceed to win the tournament, their winnings will also be donated to their designated charities.”

Really? Forty-eight players confirmed for a $1m buy-in and none named? The reason, according to  Royal Poker Challenge Director Dave Chen:

“Many of the already enrolled players are wealthy and successful individuals as well as professional poker players from Europe, America and Asia. Among the participants are high profile Hollywood celebrities (whose names cannot be shared). All participants value privacy, so Mr. Chen is primarily focused on providing a secure and private environment for this unique tournament.”

Ok, sure. We’ll let you know if we hear back.