Poker and Self-Esteem: Their Connection

A ‘big ego’ is considered to be the one of the most common traits when it comes to poker players. Consider it good or bad, it’s there. With that said, things are a little more complicated than players think, especially from the perspectives of psychology and neurobiology.

In this article, I’ll try try to explain the science behind self-esteem and it’s undeniable connection to poker.

Ego and Self-Esteem: Same but Different

In general, people (and poker players) prefer to equate ‘ego’ and ‘self-esteem’. In reality, these terms aren’t synonymous but are still connected to one another. For the right terminology, we let’s turn to Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology Carl Jung.

Jung uses the term ego to define the center of a person’s consciousness, defining a sense of their identity, awareness of existence, all skills of intelligence in matching external events and doings with the internal world. In simpler terms, the ego is a person’s complex of ‘I’ in full sense of feelings and awareness.

The ego of a healthy adult is consistent through adulthood. If it changes, especially abruptly, this should be treated as a mental health concern.

In comparison, self-esteem doesn’t have such broad reach. It isn’t a self-contained part of an individual but only an aspect of the ego. Thus, the term ‘self-esteem’ refers to a person’s evaluation of themselves, their abilities, sense of self-importance, dignity, and need of recognition. Again, in fewer words, self-esteem is a person’s assessment of their own values based on a self-reflection of their thoughts and actions.

Self-esteem is more fluid and is affected by a variety of factors throughout the course of an person’s life. It depends on the environment, physical health, temper, character, and state of personal and professional affairs.  

The Connection Between Poker and Self-Esteem

Science rarely goes into the poker domain, partially because of gambling prejudices, the differences between live and online poker, and gender bias within the game.

With that said, we still managed to find a research paper that assesses poker players’ self-esteem, comparing it to the general population and problematic gamblers. The paper was published in 2014 under the title of “All-in and Bad Beat: Professional Poker Players and Pathological Gambling”.

The results of this study provide a few curious conclusions:

1. Professional poker players have a bit higher self-esteem than the general population and a significantly higher self-esteem than recreational poker players.
2. Professional poker players demonstrated a lower level of impulsivity compared to the general population, but the same level as recreational poker players.
3. Players, who identify themselves as ‘pathological gamblers’, have a significantly lower self-esteem than other groups, but a higher level of impulsivity.

Another interesting observation was that both professional and recreational poker players showed a low level of narcissistic traits.

How Do We Assess Self-Esteem?

Now that you know a bit about self-esteem, you also might want to asses your own.

For its purposes, the paper above used the Rosenberg Self Esteem Scale. You can test it out via this short and simple survey. Just be prepared to answer truthfully and without overthinking.

Before assessing your own self-esteem and rushing into a self-diagnosis, remember that any tests and questionnaires can be “tricked”.  This was graphically shown by Dr Shannon Curry during Depp vs. Heard trial in 2022: if a person is aware of the purpose of testing, they can use this knowledge to alter their answers.

Three Generalized Types of Self-Esteem

Today, psychology recognizes three generalized types of self-esteem. High self-esteem is considered to be the only healthy and positive type of self-esteem.

People with high self-esteem share characteristics including:

• Positive attitude towards yourself
• Consistent self-respect and level of confidence
• Readiness to make mistakes and be wrong
• Willingness to learn and grow
• Understanding of your boundaries and limits

Poker players with high self-esteem don’t think worse of themselves after a loss. They differentiate between their own responsibility and coincidence, knowing that taking care of themselves is 0f the highest priority. They’re capable of genuinely celebrating their own and others’ successes.

When self-esteem grows above this stage, people are define as having overly high self-esteem with traits like:

• Convictions of superiority in comparison to others
• Negligence to the needs of others
• Reluctance in acknowledgment of your own mistakes and wrongdoings
• Overestimation of your abilities and powers
• Blaming others, coincidence and  environment for your failures

Poker players with overly high self-esteem tend to praise themselves for successes but blame others for their own failures. They cannot recognize their own shortcomings and often become displeased or angry when someone “surpasses” their success.

At times, poker legend Phil Hellmuth demonstrates overly high self-esteem, even though he is highly aware of dangerous outcomes from it:

“If I see other great players misplaying hands wsop (my opinion), I point it out 10% of time, esp if they beat me. That’s pure Ego! Like me saying, “I am great.” Shut up Philly! Only when my Ego is too high, would I demand recognition when I lose a pot! And, educate my opponents: egotistical AND dumb.”

The opposite of this is low self-esteem, characterized by:

• Conviction in your inferiority to others
• Low level of confidence and self-care
• Strong fear of failure
• Tendency to blame yourself even without any mistakes
• Focus on your flaws and minimizing strengths

Poker players with low self-esteem often underestimate their abilities and poker skills. These individuals often risk drowning in an ocean of self-deprecation, self-humiliation and constant comparison to others.

How to Manage Self-Esteem and Succeed in Poker

If you pursue a successful poker career, you need to have high self-esteem (a.k.a. a “Big Ego”) but restrain it from growing or dropping down too much. As Ben “bencb789” Rolle says on X (ex-Twitter):

Yes. I have a big Ego. And?

Having a big Ego is not the problem.
You have two options. Use your Big Ego for something good or something bad.

I would argue that most poker players have a big ego. Even those who "fail."

But they can not manage their Ego. They blame the bad run,… https://t.co/Kl6HjoAsde

— bencb (@bencb789) July 1, 2024

In a YouTube video from 2022, Phil Galfond also discusses the dangers of having overly high self-esteem, suggesting ways to manage it at the poker tables:

We took home three main tips form “ego-management” from this video and expand on them a bit more below: 

Regularly Review Your Games and Results

Poker players with negative self-esteem often make poor choices of games. In other words, low self-esteem stops players from climbing up the poker ladder, tying them to cheap games and too weak fields without adequate opportunity to grow.

On the other hand, overly high self-esteem pushes players to either spend money on games above their bankroll or jump into the tables with much more skillful players.

If you want to keep away from the two extremes, carefully review not only your sessions but the results as well. This will help you detect deviations in bankroll management and check of you are sticking to the same limits for too long. If you can’t trust yourself to do it, consider asking a poker friend or coach to evaluate your history and give constructive feedback.

Take Pride in Playing the Correct Game

Sometimes playing right feels shameful or uncomfortable because your “sense of self” begs you to maintain an image of either bold and aggressive or discreet and tight player.

This feeling grows from your self-esteem and gives you a source of pride, but at the same time damages your overall success — you need to adapt your poker strategy to spots and opponents if you want to be successful. The only way to overcome this is to shift your mindset from seeking pride to seeking flexibility in terms of right play.

Accept Victories and Losses as Inevitable

In poker no one is entitled to be a winner. In fact, for the most part, there is an almost 100% probability you will lose more frequently than you win. Players need to accept this and not let bad poker days bring them down in the same way they shouldn’t let great poker days build unrealistic expectations.

The healthiest relationship with your results is one where you celebrate the victories and learn from the defeats. As a result, your self-esteem will be built on facts and proper recognition instead of speculations and hopes.