Can Poker Players Have Normal Relationships?
I am sitting here in my condo with 15 minutes left before I am supposed to get started playing online for the next 10-12 hours. This will be my second to last blogpost that I will write for 2009. I am planning on writing my last one about my new year’s resolutions and 2009’s resolutions and how I did with them. I am first going to have to come up with my 2010 resolutions, but my brain has been mulling this over for a few weeks now and I got a rough outline of what I want them to be.
“I Can’t Seem to Have a Relationship Work Out”
I am insanely pumped for the next few months when it comes to poker. I have mapped out basically what I am going to be doing through Bay 101, basically being on the road starting with PCA and playing tons of live tournaments for the first 3 months of the year.
I have been going through a pretty rough time with my ex-girlfriend, as we have been talking over the last couple months since breaking up about whether or not we are making the right decision by separating.
It’s been an extremely difficult time for me, as I love her with all of my heart and wish that we could work things out. I know she loves me too and we both want what’s best for each other.
It worries me that I can’t seem to have a relationship work out. I want to eventually be able to get married and have a family. This is now the third relationship in which things have not worked out partially because of poker, and all three were in a different way.
The first one didn’t work because I had basically just discovered poker and was fascinated by the game and became addicted to it. I was playing 60-70 hours a week and let everything else in my life fall by the wayside.
I got my priorities straight eventually and learned to balance poker with other things in my life.
“Will I Ever Be Able to Have a Normal Relationship”
The second relationship that was affected by poker was with a girl who just basically did not approve of gambling. That relationship I should have known from the beginning was just not going to work out.
And this last relationship, with neither of those previous issues being the problem, just doesn’t work with how much time we have to spend apart.
Neither one of us is ready to make the jump to having her come with me on all my trips and make that commitment that we are going to basically get married. And it is just way too hard to maintain our relationship with me being on the road all the time.
Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship? Get married? Have a family? Do all poker players have these same issues? These are some of the questions I have been thinking about a lot recently.
Well here goes Sunday! Last day of MTTs for 2009 probably. GL me. Pz!
Jmerc
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User Comments
You honestly need some added self control. Take off at least two full days with a few added hours to sleep. Take off five days after a series. You cant have a relationship with out a being someone in the relationship. I think you’re starting to figure out, money isn’t everything. And poker will get old if your just doing it for your self.
I think people who resort to poker are action junks, who often arent that good at relationships to start with.
Easy solution: find a girl who plays/loves poker, or try to bring this one on board.
I used to get frustrated with my boyfriend’s poker jaunts until I learned to play – now I’m more into it than him and we can enjoy/talk about it together.
It changes the situation from her feeling threatened/excluded to it being something you can share. Even though she’ll not be at your level, your play will be something she is interested in and can learn from.
Alternatively, if that’s not to be, there are other women out there that love the game and maybe that is the kind of woman you could make it work with.
Good luck (in poker and in love)!
I have exactly the same problem. My previous relationship before this one ended because I lost my bankroll which led me to certain issues, which again led my girlfriend to leave just at the moment I needed her the most.
Now my current girlfriend has pressured me out from the lifestyle of poker, can you even imagine, she threatened to leave me if I don`t get a real job or education.
I didn`t want it to end, so I returned back to my school and spent half an year there doing nothing, gaining nothing, completing no courses.
After that I got a nice office job, where I can grind half a day at my office working the other half, and lol they found out me doing that because of some surveillance-thing.. and as you can quess I didn`t work there after that.
And now, I`m rolling and grinding again and my girlfriend is bitching me about she not being able to handle the stress from my losses (when I win she just gets sad and jealous because she has a low-paying job). I just can`t believe my ears when she says it. It`s my money for the gods sake. I`m quite sure tough that I may never be able to find anything near as amazing as her, but im getting tired.
My son also plays the world tour. He has hadddd the same problem. Although he has had great relationship with a few girls they end up breaking it off because he is never around. He says girlfriends and poker do not mix. I know he feels bad even though he says not. I suggested he finds a girl that plays poker also. I think you have to find a balance between the two. Why can’t you pick the tournaments that are important to you and sue the other time to build on the relationship. If you are playing 60 to 70 hours a week you are addicted to it. A lot of people play and hold down jobs. Decide what your priorities and goals are. Build on that. Force yourself away from the computer and schedule fun time. At this point if you won the main event it still wouldn’t be enough. Diffuse yourself and find the balance. Counseling isn’t a bad idea, really. Gives a new prespective. Good luck to you, be happy.
I played poker for for three years during and after college to support myself and I ran into the exact problem that you’ve outlined. The catch here is that I decided to make a go at quitting the game and getting a job so that I could be in one place and have the sort of stable life that you just can’t get if youre a poker player. Long story short the relationship still didn’t work out because I became miserable with working 9 to 5 in basically the first month i tried it. As a result I was a bit depressed and harbored resentment for my ex-girlfriend. After we split I started playing again and realized that I couldn’t trick myself into thinking i would be happy not doing what i loved to do. Think rationally about this but know that you wont be able to change who you are and if you try to it wont lead to any good places. GL
Hang on just a second. Yes Poker is your lifestyle.. But nobody can live a happy fulfilled life without balance. If you love this girl ‘with all your heart’ and she loves you, then you will work out a compromise. If it is just pride, cold feet, or the fact that you really just are not ready to commit, then realize that that is what it is.
It seems to me that you realize that this girl is different and special. Yes relationships come and go but all too often we find ourselves looking backwards wondering why we didn’t appreciate the things we had when we had then and why exactly it is that we let them go and not knowing how to find our way back.
That said, I believe that when it’s right, it’s right and if she was the one you really loved with all your heart then you would be moving heaven and earth to make it work. Whatever it took.
And if you don’t then maybe you know on some level that it’s not right. For the most part the only poker relationships that workout either have one very very understanding partner or two equally devoted players!
Its tought dude but you gotta work through it. You are a gifted player, don’t let the women get it your way as there are many fish in the sea, just like in poker 🙂
Clear that if!!!!!!It is difficult, that relationship is easy??? who does not want to be with you when you got that poker face when you play, your face is different, I love it!
carpe diem, I hope my English is understood pathetic
Bet you those first two are kicking themselves in the tush this very minute… You’re hot… You’ll find happiness someday. You’re young, relax, sit back and wait till you look down at a good hand, then move all in.
jason i guess youdon’t need to think about it to much…you just have to let time do the work but it just all has to fit togheter i guess you will know and especially feel when you findthe girl that is your that isthe water to put out out your fire,she will be the smile when your sad…i guessi know it’s hard especially ifyou play poker it’s hard for the other,i guess you know that.
i hope you findthe courage andtheright path in your life,there’s not just 1 there are many,you choose them.
live now not tomorrow or yesterday nowww…
gl bye the way in poker i play myself im ok,hope to be ass great as you someday:d but more importent hope iwill behappy in my life,ihope it for you to and everybody…..
get a gold digger. easy as and problem solved cause as long as you can spend money on her you’ll be a happy man.
Yo, keep your head up man. You’ll find a girl who will support you 100% of the time and understand your lifestyle.