Why is Chris Moorman not covered from head to toe with patches when he plays a live poker tournament?

Seriously.

Is there another sport or game in the world where somebody does not sponsor the most successful player?

I don’t get it. It’s confusing the hell out of me.

Moorman = Tiger Woods of Online Poker

The lad has won $11.2m playing online tournaments. That’s more than anybody alive (or dead) and $3.3m more than his nearest competitor. When it comes to online Triple Crowns, he’s won 20 of them.

Moorman is, more or less, the Tiger Woods of online tournament poker.

In addition to his record-breaking online exploits Moorman has also won $4m playing live tournaments.

This includes a World Poker Tour (WPT) title – one of his two seven-figure scores.

Only pure luck has prevented him from adding a World Series of Poker (WSOP) bracelet to his trophy cabinet.

So what’s the deal, online poker giants?

Every Box Ticked

The roles and responsibilities for a member of PokerStars Team Online or Team Pro, for example, are (fairly) locked up in a safe that I will never get my grubby hands on.

But I do know some of the qualities PokerStars is looking for when appointing someone to its team.

I know, for example, that it would like its stars to have built up a significant level of fame on their own prior to being signed.

Check.

It would be advantageous if he or she were a household name in poker. Check.

For a slot on Team Online it’s advantageous for you to have won regularly on PokerStars.com.

$5.4m and counting = Check.

To have earned widespread respect in online poker forums. Check.

To hold him or herself to a high standard of fair play and be respectful of opponents both at and away from the tables. Check.

Catches the Eye like Kim Kardashian in a Thong

The site itself says “that when a potential team member catches the eye of our Team Pro management, someone from PokerStars will contact the player immediately.”

In poker circles, Moorman catches the eye like Kim Kardashian in a thong.

When Chris Moorman decides to write a poker book, Santa Claus hires more elves. And guess who wrote his foreword?

That’s right. Only Doyle Brunson, one of the only men alive that can be cast in the role of poker legend.

Moorman looks sharp, talks a good game, is respectful, is obviously not work shy, talks a lot of sense, writes a lot of sense, keeps his controversial opinions to himself and is as clean as a whistle.

I mean, this man is not getting an invite to a Dan Bilzerian pool party anytime soon. Need I say more?